Thursday 24 December 2015

Limericks 2015

Conner Lee

There once was a lady named Paul
who looked for a date to the ball.
But the men knew fear
when they came near
because she was ten feet tall.

Irene Cai

There once was a girl named Drew
her hair was a line green hue
one day a friend said,
"Your eyes are red,
and your skin is turning blue!"




Kailee Zhou

There once was a girl named Gail
who wrote a crappy tale.
But uploaded the trash
though made no cash,
and was thrown out of Yale.

Amy Huang

The country is filled with oil
it's affecting a lot of the soil.
The animals are dead
the lies people said
really make my blood boil.

George Shao

There once was a man named Sam
who always liked to eat spam.
He ran at a bull
but was too full
and he fell down with a bam!

Sandra Li

There once was a fish named Larry
who liked to eat nothing but dairy
He made a wish
to not be a fish
and turned into one giant berry.

Class Project

There was a man from North York
Who always dressed in pork.
When he started to stink
he started to think:
Phew, I need to leave North York!

Friday 19 June 2015

The Silent Lightning By Evan Liang

As the lightning illuminated the night sky, a silhouette of a hanging body came into focus. At the time, I was standing on the balcony getting some fresh air. Just from merely seeing the outline of a dead body, I felt horror and anxiety but excitement as well because I knew this was going to be my first case.
I stepped outside my suite to check it out. Just then, my new boss, the police chief called me to inform me of the situation.
The man was hanged at the antenna of the CN Tower and has been identified as Daniel Shaw, a local construction worker.
With my job laid out in front of me, I rushed to work. The case file contained 3 main suspects: himself, his co-worker and his boss. 
While background checking Shaw’s family, my eye caught something interesting; Shaw’s wife is the ex-wife of Marcus Lee, one of Shaw’s co-workers and a prime suspect. 
I decided to return to the police station where Lee was being held along with another suspect, Benedict Ronald. I called ahead of time for an appointment with Lee.
“Why’d you do it, Marcus?” 
“It’s just like you cops to base assumptions on no proof. I didn’t do any of this.”
“So you’re telling me that it’s just a coincidence that the husband of your ex-wife died so close to where you work?”
Just as I mentioned the name of his ex-wife, Lee’s bottom lip twitched.
“Of course not, why would I care, I knew it wasn’t going to work out anyway. Besides, you’ve seen Shaw’s life haven’t you? Better him than me.”
“Fine. Then where were you at midnight last night?”
“I was up late at the construction site organizing supplies. Then, I decided to take a walk. I eventually got tired and sat on a bench on Bremner Boulevard. Before I knew it, I fell asleep. At about midnight when I awoke to the sound of thunder and saw the body as the lightning struck.”
“You saw the lightning too?”
“Yeah, that’s how I was able to see Shaw’s body in the darkness.”
“Thank you, that’s all I need to know for now”.
I then questioned Shaw’s boss, Benedict Ronald. According to his file, he had been diagnosed with dementia over a year ago.
As I entered Ronald’s holding cell, he greeted me.
“Why hello there, detective. Care for a butterscotch candy?”
He waved his hand towards a nonexistent bowl of treats.
“Um, okay. Let’s just get down to it, Fruit Loops. Where were you last night?”
“Where anyone my age should be; in bed.”
“It says here that you are a notorious business man that rules with an iron fist.”
“Flattery will get you nowhere, Kenway.”
“Does the name Daniel Shaw mean anything to you?”
“Oh yes, he’s that rude man that did not say good morning to me yesterday. I hate when people do that. But you do not think I killed him, do you? Planning a murder costs so much money.”
He shot me a creepy smirk.
“Aren’t you rich?”
“Indeed.”
After that, I decided to check the actual corpse for clues.
It was quite the spectacle. Shaw was hanging from the very tip of the tower from a 75 meter rope. His carcass on the antenna resembled a tetherball court except a lot more sadistic.
After analysis of the body, I was puzzled. The forensic scientist told me that there were no bruises or flesh wounds or any signs of physical struggle. Plus, based on the stiffness of the cadaver and the colour of his skin, even I could tell that he had been dead for hours before we found him.
With all this new evidence, I filed the death under suicide. 
To further my claim, a visit to Shaw’s residence revealed that he lived a rather difficult life. He was a father in a dysfunctional family who made insufficient income as a construction worker.
I went back to my suite to gather my thoughts. Stressed, I did what I always did to relax: smoke a 
Twizzler. This may seem unusual but the burnt strawberry goodness just unwinds my nerves.
Nothing made sense; if Shaw committed suicide, why were the suspects acting so suspicious? Hoping to find something, I reviewed my conversations with Lee and Ronald. 
My instincts told me that Ronald did it. He was acting crazy but not like a murderer.
As I was listening to Lee, I caught something. He said he was awoken by the thunder and saw the body as the lightning flashed seconds later.
The thing was, light moves faster than sound. Something was not right. But if Lee did it, then why were there no signs of struggle?
Then, it hit me. I forgot to check for internal abnormalities. Luckily, it was not too late to retrieve a blood sample from the body.
I ran a few tests and found that his bloodstream was saturated with asbestos, enough to kill. This was obviously very elaborate and calculated. How could I have missed this? Not a great way to start my career. 
Lee mentioned he was organizing supplies at the construction site. Naturally, I took a visit there to see what I could find. There, like a golden Easter egg, I spotted a pile of empty cement and acetone cans. Whoever was here did not bother to clean up.
As you know, some cement contains asbestos. I scanned for fingerprints on the cement cans and found that it was a perfect match with Lee’s.
I know how he did it. He poisoned Shaw and put a rope around the body’s neck to stage a suicide. Lee then wiped his fingerprints off of everything with acetone. However, in his haste, he forgot about the cans.
I confronted Lee with this at which he was so enraged that he tried to strangle me, only further sealing his fate. 

Thursday 8 January 2015

Limericks 2014

Bill Cui

Tom loves to play
He fell off a tree one day
With a crack
he broke his back
and lay there to decay.

Julia Chen

I once knew a girl from Shanghai
who ate everything she saw with her eye.
First a whale
then a snail
topping it off with a porcupine pie.

Joy Zhao

There was an old witch from Kells
She was always making spells
They didn't work out
there was no doubt
so she started collecting seashells.

Crystal Xue

There once was a young girl named Sue
Who acted like a kangaroo.
One day she awoke
and noticed with a jolt
that she was in a public zoo.