Limericks 2015

Conner Lee

There once was a lady named Paul
who looked for a date to the ball.
But the men knew fear
when they came near
because she was ten feet tall.

Irene Cai

There once was a girl named Drew
her hair was a line green hue
one day a friend said,
"Your eyes are red,
and your skin is turning blue!"




Kailee Zhou

There once was a girl named Gail
who wrote a crappy tale.
But uploaded the trash
though made no cash,
and was thrown out of Yale.

Amy Huang

The country is filled with oil
it's affecting a lot of the soil.
The animals are dead
the lies people said
really make my blood boil.

George Shao

There once was a man named Sam
who always liked to eat spam.
He ran at a bull
but was too full
and he fell down with a bam!

Sandra Li

There once was a fish named Larry
who liked to eat nothing but dairy
He made a wish
to not be a fish
and turned into one giant berry.

Class Project

There was a man from North York
Who always dressed in pork.
When he started to stink
he started to think:
Phew, I need to leave North York!

The Silent Lightning By Evan Liang

As the lightning illuminated the night sky, a silhouette of a hanging body came into focus. At the time, I was standing on the balcony getting some fresh air. Just from merely seeing the outline of a dead body, I felt horror and anxiety but excitement as well because I knew this was going to be my first case.

I stepped outside my suite to check it out. Just then, my new boss, the police chief called me to inform me of the situation.

The man was hanged at the antenna of the CN Tower and has been identified as Daniel Shaw, a local construction worker.

With my job laid out in front of me, I rushed to work. The case file contained 3 main suspects: himself, his co-worker and his boss. 

While background checking Shaw’s family, my eye caught something interesting; Shaw’s wife is the ex-wife of Marcus Lee, one of Shaw’s co-workers and a prime suspect. 

I decided to return to the police station where Lee was being held along with another suspect, Benedict Ronald. I called ahead of time for an appointment with Lee.

“Why’d you do it, Marcus?” 

“It’s just like you cops to base assumptions on no proof. I didn’t do any of this.”

“So you’re telling me that it’s just a coincidence that the husband of your ex-wife died so close to where you work?”

Just as I mentioned the name of his ex-wife, Lee’s bottom lip twitched.

“Of course not, why would I care, I knew it wasn’t going to work out anyway. Besides, you’ve seen Shaw’s life haven’t you? Better him than me.”

“Fine. Then where were you at midnight last night?”

“I was up late at the construction site organizing supplies. Then, I decided to take a walk. I eventually got tired and sat on a bench on Bremner Boulevard. Before I knew it, I fell asleep. At about midnight when I awoke to the sound of thunder and saw the body as the lightning struck.”

“You saw the lightning too?”

“Yeah, that’s how I was able to see Shaw’s body in the darkness.”

“Thank you, that’s all I need to know for now”.

I then questioned Shaw’s boss, Benedict Ronald. According to his file, he had been diagnosed with dementia over a year ago.

As I entered Ronald’s holding cell, he greeted me.

“Why hello there, detective. Care for a butterscotch candy?”

He waved his hand towards a nonexistent bowl of treats.

“Um, okay. Let’s just get down to it, Fruit Loops. Where were you last night?”

“Where anyone my age should be; in bed.”

“It says here that you are a notorious business man that rules with an iron fist.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere, Kenway.”

“Does the name Daniel Shaw mean anything to you?”

“Oh yes, he’s that rude man that did not say good morning to me yesterday. I hate when people do that. But you do not think I killed him, do you? Planning a murder costs so much money.”

He shot me a creepy smirk.

“Aren’t you rich?”

“Indeed.”

After that, I decided to check the actual corpse for clues.

It was quite the spectacle. Shaw was hanging from the very tip of the tower from a 75 meter rope. His carcass on the antenna resembled a tetherball court except a lot more sadistic.

After analysis of the body, I was puzzled. The forensic scientist told me that there were no bruises or flesh wounds or any signs of physical struggle. Plus, based on the stiffness of the cadaver and the colour of his skin, even I could tell that he had been dead for hours before we found him.

With all this new evidence, I filed the death under suicide. 

To further my claim, a visit to Shaw’s residence revealed that he lived a rather difficult life. He was a father in a dysfunctional family who made insufficient income as a construction worker.

I went back to my suite to gather my thoughts. Stressed, I did what I always did to relax: smoke a 

Twizzler. This may seem unusual but the burnt strawberry goodness just unwinds my nerves.

Nothing made sense; if Shaw committed suicide, why were the suspects acting so suspicious? Hoping to find something, I reviewed my conversations with Lee and Ronald. 

My instincts told me that Ronald did it. He was acting crazy but not like a murderer.

As I was listening to Lee, I caught something. He said he was awoken by the thunder and saw the body as the lightning flashed seconds later.

The thing was, light moves faster than sound. Something was not right. But if Lee did it, then why were there no signs of struggle?

Then, it hit me. I forgot to check for internal abnormalities. Luckily, it was not too late to retrieve a blood sample from the body.

I ran a few tests and found that his bloodstream was saturated with asbestos, enough to kill. This was obviously very elaborate and calculated. How could I have missed this? Not a great way to start my career. 

Lee mentioned he was organizing supplies at the construction site. Naturally, I took a visit there to see what I could find. There, like a golden Easter egg, I spotted a pile of empty cement and acetone cans. Whoever was here did not bother to clean up.

As you know, some cement contains asbestos. I scanned for fingerprints on the cement cans and found that it was a perfect match with Lee’s.

I know how he did it. He poisoned Shaw and put a rope around the body’s neck to stage a suicide. Lee then wiped his fingerprints off of everything with acetone. However, in his haste, he forgot about the cans.

I confronted Lee with this at which he was so enraged that he tried to strangle me, only further sealing his fate. 

Limericks 2014

Bill Cui

Tom loves to play
He fell off a tree one day
With a crack
he broke his back
and lay there to decay.

Julia Chen

I once knew a girl from Shanghai
who ate everything she saw with her eye.
First a whale
then a snail
topping it off with a porcupine pie.

Joy Zhao

There was an old witch from Kells
She was always making spells
They didn't work out
there was no doubt
so she started collecting seashells.

Crystal Xue

There once was a young girl named Sue
Who acted like a kangaroo.
One day she awoke
and noticed with a jolt
that she was in a public zoo.

Step Back into the Past by Bruce He

Slavery! Misery! Torture! The thought of empires and colonies usually evokes images of oppressed slaves toiling for foreign autocrats, of states that are the costly, impractical contrivances of corrupt profiteers. Are these notions true? No! These notions are absolutely fictitious and incorrect. The policy of creating an empire is and remains a fail-proof way for any nation to gain prosperity. Every nation that has embarked on the path of empire building and colonization has invariably become the most economically developed and the most politically influential in the world. Empires and colonies allow countries to gain access to markets, strategic routes, and resources, allowing great commercial expansion. Empires also create an effective means of defending oneself from hostile enemies, providing an effective defence system. They are, as one can see truly beneficial to countries. Therefore, it is in the best interests of the people for the government to adopt a policy aimed at creating colonies and an empire as it will greatly benefit the national economy by opening up resources, and markets, create an effective defence network, and allow the accumulation of greater political influence in international diplomacy.

A policy of imperialism will undoubtedly bring economic benefits which will be greatly welcomed in today's time of financial turmoil. Colonizing areas would allow access to vast amounts of natural resources and open up new markets and commercial trade routes. Various areas of the world have abundant stocks of certain commodities or resources. If these areas could be colonized, they would give the country access to these resources. That would allow a profitable export industry to be developed, bringing in revenue while at the same time promoting self-sufficiency. Various colonizing experiments in the pasts have proven resource exploitation in colonies is a profitable and beneficial enterprise. For example, according to J.M. Roberts (2013) the former Spanish empire received 16000 tons of silver and 15 tons of gold yearly (or about 17 million dollars then) from its gold and silver mines in its American colonies. A large fraction of this was used to finance the government's projects, providing an example of how colonies could finance the budgets of governments. Resource was not limited to Spain, however. According to Roberts the Dutch, for example, established a valuable spice monopoly in the East Indies, and the colonies in the East Indies produced tons of valuable sugar. These all prove that colonies are extremely important producers of commodities.

Colonies also allow one to control trade routes and thus different markets in the world. Colonies and territories situated at major trade intersections and travel routes will bring in enormous profits as well as revenue through tolls. In addition, controlling these routes would ensure that businesses and merchants from the home country would have a reliable passage and be free of the hassles associated with passing through foreign land as well as potential foreign hostility or instability. The advantages of controlling such trade routes could be evidenced in the Ottoman empire of Turkey. According to Karen Farrington (2002) The Ottoman Empire, which controlled all trade routes leading from Eastern Asia to Europe reaped huge gains due to their possession of the trade routes before subsequently declining partly because of the discovery and subsequent possession of alternative trade routes leading to Asia by the Europeans, who as a result became wealthy. This demonstrates the advantages of obtaining one's own trade routes instead of becoming reliant on the costly and unpredictable routes provided by foreign nations. As one can see overall, colonies have a great amount of economic benefits, benefits that everyone needs during the modern world of financial upheaval and bursting budgets.

Not only does imperialism bring economic stability, it also produces security. Colonies and dependencies form extremely successful defence networks that help protect the empire and national interests. A system of colonies has two main benefits in the area of defence: it provides troops, production, etc. to supplement the war efforts of its home country, and it provides a network of strategic bases. The former advantage is often ignored as there is a prevailing attitude that colonies are home to rebellious populations, with the continual citing and re-citing the American War of Independence being used by opponents. However, contrary to that, colonies actually provide valuable wartime assistance. In World War I for example, according to H.P. Willmott (2003) at least 200000 French colonial troops from Northern Africa and 163000 troops from West Africa served in Europe, while at least 500000 colonials worked in munitions factories. Similarly, the British fielded at least 1168809 soldiers from dominions such as Canada and Australia as well as 241000 soldiers from India and 244000 South African soldiers. Colonies are key allies during wartime that send valuable assistance, and are not full of rebels.

 Colonies also serve as bases around the world that can be used to protect the interests of the home country. Colonies allow a country to establish a presence throughout the globe, and allow forces to be placed around the world to defend national interests. These bases can prove to be extremely important when national interests are threatened. In World War II, according to R.G. Grant (2008) the German battleship Bismarck, intended to raid Atlantic commerce was disabled by a naval force from Gibraltar, a British dependency used as a naval base during the war. Gibraltar also kept lines to the Mediterranean open, clear proof of the strategic value of colonies. Since colonies greatly assist the defence efforts of their home country and are valuable strategic assets, they are an invaluable defence network.

As a result of the numerous economic and military benefits derived from colonialism and imperialism gives countries an increased diplomatic influence in the world. Firstly, the economic and military power gained from a colonial and imperial policy aforementioned in the above paragraphs would allow the nation to influence the economy and businesses of the world as well as militarily intervene on matters in the world. Secondly, the strategic areas controlled by colonies would also grant the state extraordinary influence. By controlling the export of commodities and the passage of ships, vehicles, and goods through colonial regions, colonies would allow the state to wield enormous power, allowing it to pressure other states through threatening to close down the routes and halt exports. This influence is highly important, as it allows the state to protect its interests and prevents other nations from infringing upon its rights or acting in a way that is not to the interests of the state. In addition, it allows the nation to influence international policies and have greater say in what the international community is doing. Colonies in addition maintain the interests of the state abroad, and allow it to have influence in all regions of the globe instead of being limited to particularly one region. There are various examples of empires that have exercised great diplomatic influence; envoys of the Roman republic (then reaching empire size) were able to force another state occupying Egypt to evacuate by threatening the sheer power of Rome in 168 BC according to Flower (2004). The influence granted by colonies and empires, as it can be seen greatly helps the maintenance of national interests, making empires and colonies hugely important.

There are some who will oppose the policy of empires and colonies with the following two points: that the establishment of colonies and empires involves enslaving large numbers of people and that colonies are too costly to maintain. The former argument relies on the fact that numerous empires in history have enslaved or oppressed people. However, empires or colonies are not inherently slaving machines. The enslavement and oppression of people has to do more with the prevailing social attitudes and the outdated philosophy of "racial superiority" (people, even those campaigning against colonial cruelty believed in the Aristotelean philosophy that some races were inherently "slaves"according to J.M. Roberts) instead of the policy of colonialists. Colonies could be given some level of autonomy such as in the case of the British dominions and people given freedom; slavery is not an essential part of empires. As for the cost issue, that can be refuted when one sees the economic advantages of colonies and the profits generated which is discussed in the first paragraph, showing quite well that colonies can finance themselves instead of being a financial burden.

In the light of the evidence, it is clear that a network of colonies and dependencies would greatly aid the state. Such colonies boost the economy, defend national interests, and give the nation greater say in the affairs of the world. The resources provided by colonies, as well as the trade & travel routes, markets, and economies they provide should not be refused in this time of economic uncertainty. The military advantages of are similarly great: empires and their colonies allow a nation to protect its interests in every region of the world and provide defence forces to supplement those of the home country. The accumulated power associated with empires gives more voice to the diplomats of the empire, allowing a country to acquire more influence. With these advantages, one can easily conclude that empires are a great asset that enriches countries and protects them. Therefore the state is well advised to create an empire. There are two options now: one is to refuse imperialism and plunge into decline and ignominy; the other one is build an empire and enter a new age of prosperity.

Micro-fiction by Chelsea Li (Writing Grade 9-10)

 Safer than Heaven

         

 “I trust you,” was the last thing I said before I was gone. A secret that needed to be kept was given to her. But when I returned, the truth had leaked. Now I will never trust anyone again.

          

But...

          

Can you keep a secret?

Hop. Jump. Skip. SPLAT!

          

Hop. Jump. Skip. SPLAT! The gelato falls on the floor, and Al cries. His mom picks him up and buys  a new one so he is happy. He went back playing hopscotch.

          

Hop. Jump. Skip. SPLAT!